Santa's a vamp?
by FlapwazzleAnonymous
Summary: Edward and Bella are talking one day and she asks about famous vampires. Disclaimer: I own nothing! It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
1. santa and elvis

"Edward?" I asked him as we were sitting on his leather couch.

"Yes Bella?"

I paused because I didn't know if I really wanted to ask him this question.. actually, it was more along the lines of wanting to drive him crazy for not being able to read my mind.

"Well I was wondering, since you are like 100 years old you _must_ have met some vampires who were celebrities and stuff right?" he chuckled. It usually bothered me when he laughed at things I said, but this was sort of a funny thing to ask so I let it go.

"Well that was random… " he said as I attempted to give him the death glare. It didn't work as I had planned; he started laughing harder.

"Yes, actually I have met a couple of rather well-known vampires," he answered, might I add, still laughing at my somewhat random question.

"Like who?" I asked him, very curious as to who of the celebrities us humans were so influenced by.

"Well… let's see, there's Jimmy Boyd, Perry Como, Sam Cooke.." he trailed off and I just started at him with a blank expression because I clearly had no idea who these people were. He seemed to notice this somewhere between Tommy Dorsey and Bing Crosby.

"How about I try to think of some who you've actually heard of," he said. I nodded my head, smiling in response. " Okay, let me think.. oh yes of course! Elvis Presley was a vampire, not very neat though. Always leaving the bodies everywhere…" I was very surprised that Elvis was a vampire. But I though he collapsed onstage..

"Edward, didn't Elvis die onstage or something?" I asked, extremely interested in this topic.

"Well yes, that's what the public was told. The media couldn't go around telling everyone what _really_ happened."

"Well then, what _really_ happened?"

"The Volturi had him killed." He simply stated with no explaination. Even without reading my mind he could tell I wanted to hear why. "he had been going around telling people about being a vampire, I think it had something to do with Buddy Holly calling him a sissy.."

" I see…" I responded. I decided I wanted to know more. " Who else?"

" Hmm.. Antonio Banderas, Keanu Reeves, Cher, Santa Claus, Angelina Jolie," he listed these names like it was nothing. I nodded along when something hit me..

"SANTA CLAUS??" I asked, astounded.

"Yes," he simply stated. I stared at him dumfounded. "Well obviously he's a vegetarian. How could he give all those presents to those children and then turn around and kill someone?" I was _still_ staring at him, now with my mouth open. I'm pretty sure I looked like a complete moron so I shut my mouth and tried to find my voice.

"Uh.. so..um.. what's his power?" I asked

"He can multiply himself, I mean, how else would he get around the world and deliver presents to all those children in _one_ night?" he replied.

"Oh well that makes sense.. and the reindeer?"

"Demonic little beasts.. I swear, that Rudolph tried to bite my hand off. He would have gotten it too if it weren't for my amazing speed," he said and smiled smugly. I tried to process all this information about my dear Santa Claus but none of it seemed to stick. How could sweet, jolly, old Kris Kringle be a vampire?

"Are you okay? You look paler than usual. Do you want to lie down?" Edward asked, clearly worried about the fact the I might pass out at any second.

" No I'm okay, It's just that.. It's Santa!!SANTA! How could he be a vampire? He's all fat and jolly.." I started to trail off then stopped because the couch was shaking with Edward's laughter. "So, how do you know Santa?"

"Well.. several years ago, I was curious as to how he managed to have a bear as a vampire. So, Alice and I went down to the North Pole to ask him. But when we got there, all the elves crowded around us and carried Alice away screaming "drottning!! Drottning!!!" I recognized that it was 'queen' in Icelandic. They carried her around in the snow with her raised above their tiny heads and brought her to a big Lego chair." This is when Edward burst into laughter.

" They seriously thought Alice was their queen?" I asked, giggling uncontrollably. Edward, being in the current state of his booming laughter, only nodded in response. That's when there was a loud slapping noise. I looked up from my position of rolling around on the floor to see Alice has smacked Edward in the back of the head and was now leaving the room. Now I was the one with the booming laughter.

I spent the rest of the day randomly bursting into giggle fits and then choking. Emmett found it hilarious while Alice was giving us all the death glare. She kind of does resemble and elfin queen…


	2. sorry

**A/N: anways so did you like it? Review please!!! If you want I can expand on he story to make it an actual story.. I've got a lot of ideas!!! Tell me in the review and if you want you can give me some suggestions!!**

**-Flapwazzle**


End file.
